New Equilibrium

He held his gaze for as long as he could on the shrinking red lights. Blinking wasn't important at a time like this. He felt bad for it, but the first thought that appeared in his head was “when was the last time I was alone?”. The moral quandary came from the idea that he should only be thinking about his brother. Something in his brain made an immediate rebuttal: “tens, maybe hundreds of people are thinking of him right now, but who's thinking of you?”. He liked the sound of this point but didn't want to admit it to himself.

But the fact remained, he is alone, and it had been been years since the last time. Who would've thought that so many large scale (perspectively) events could occur to a single individual in such a small period of time? Not he. He had forgotten what people normally did when they weren't around each other. He became acutely aware of his breath. Now he misses his brother. Now he feels like crying. He doesn't know if these potential tears are for the health of his brother or his own newfound loneliness. He tried to ignore reasoning. Emotions are illogical anyway.

He takes overwhelming notice of a woman in the distance holding a large pink umbrella – it reminds him of his (ex) wife and then his daughter. Maybe the tears were for them? A masculine numbness dries his face. “It doesn't matter”, he thinks. “Everything will work out for me. It always does”. The perpetual bulleting rain suggests a different fate.

[#4 / 04.11.2019]